the truth is...

I was in the process of writing another post but somehow found myself on Myspace, please don't question why, and I found one of my old pieces. I wrote this back in 2008 but 99% of that list still stands true. Well, LoL, here it is.



the truth is...

i'm crazy
i'm sensitive
i'm shy
i write poetry
i love love songs
i wanna get married
i want at least 2 kids
my fav color is green
i'm a jealous person
i almost had you
i like painting my nails bright colors
i love singing
i hate singing in public
i'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears
but i'm scared of loving you
sometimes i miss my dad (but not very often)
sometimes i cry and i don't know why
i like red apples
i love the red and yellow ones better
lucky charms is my fav cereal
i love to watch the sun set
i like taking long walks
i wanna be in love
i like being alone
i hate rodents
i can't stop
sometimes i wish he would come back to me
i'm always indecisive
i procrastinate a lot
sometimes i wish i had magical powers
i'm uncomfortable about telling people my weight
i should have never cut my hair
i want to be happy
i love chocolate ice cream
i love nickeisha's baked macaroni and fried chicken
i'm lactose intollerant
sometimes i just don't care
i'm sorry
i wanna be rich when i grow up
i don't like public speaking
sometimes i wish i could rewind time
i listen to my music loud so that i can block out the world
i like the way my eyes and hair look in the sun
sometimes i just wanna punch people in the face
stupid people annoy me
common sense isn't very common
when i was younger i wish i had a twin sister
i like pink cotton candy and fried chicken
i love going to the pool
i almost drowned when i was younger
i wish i had a car
i still don't have my driver's license
i want to be a teacher
i'm scared of the thunder and lightening
if i had one wish i would wish for a million more
i'm bitter
i take it back...i dont miss my father
i'm not sure how to forgive
i like pepperoni pizza with ham, bacon, and extra cheese
i love oreos
i'm scared of what the future holds
i can't let go
sometimes i rather being single
i'd do almost anything for him
i wish he would wake up
i need help but i won't ever ask for it
i don't smile a lot so people think i'm a bitch
i don't smile a lot because my smile is crooked
i cover my mouth when i laugh because i have a gap
i don't watch a lot of tv anymore
i gained 10 pounds my freshman year
i was aiming for higher
i have a crush on you
i like to cook
i hate cleaning up
i ignore my problems instead of facing them
i'm a little too laid back for my own good
i always give more
i love you more than you'll ever know
i want to end this list but i don't know where or how to stop
i keep coming up with new things
even if i stopped now i would eventually come back and add another line
.
..
...
the truth is....

New Year's Schmesolutions!

So every year, approximately right after Christmas, you see all the Facebook statuses, tweets and Myspace updates,when it was poppin', saying, "New Year, New Me!" Yeah, freaking right!! Chances are, that by the second week of January, the "new you" will have forgotten all of your resolutions and the "new you" will have flopped.

Just like in elementary school when the teachers forced you to write a New Year's Resolution you now think up a bunch of new traits and lies that you magically want to transform yourself into the during the upcoming year. To be more honest, go to the gym more and eat healthier, stop procrastinating, stop cursing so much, go to church more, stop drinking (LIES.COM), tweet less and focus more. But who are you really fooling?

Hoping that you'll wake up on January 1st with "a new refreshed attitude" is stupid. For one, you can wake up any day with "a new refreshed attitude", if you really put your mind to it. New Year, New Beginnings. Yes this is true, in a sense, but everyday is a new beginning and a chance to straight over fresh and to fix any mistakes that you've made the night before. But at the same time WHY wait for the new year to make these changes? Why not start NOW as you're sitting down and writing your "resolutions". Make your today be better than your yesterday and start fresh from now. I think that it's a bit unrealistic and kind of stressful to put that on yourself trying to think you can make a 180° turn when you need plenty of time. Especially if you're just gonna end up not even fulfilling them.

I know I probably sound harsh and make it seem like there is no hope for the human race but I am just being rational but if you are going to actually make a New Year's Resolution please be smart about it and make it something that you can actually do. Make it something that is realistic and don't just use the new year to just come up with how the NEW you should be. Be honest with yourself and don't make any false hopes..


Follow your dreams, work hard, practice and persevere. Make sure you eat a variety of foods, get plenty of exercise and maintain a healthy lifestyle.
Sasha Cohen

Why Buy The Cow?

I got the inspiration for this post from watching yet another episode of VH1's "Love and Hip Hop" with Chrissy and Jim Jones. She's frustrated that he won't make that next step and he can't understand what's the big deal. I can totally sympathize with her because I have been in an "on and off relationship" for the past 7 years wondering why we progressed so little. Why is he taking so long to grow up and be a man when I've given so much? Why can't he take that next step and go further. "So.. I break for you, but you can't even bend for me?" - @KekePalmer But on the other hand, I can cosign with Jimmy. Why buy the cow if I'm already getting the milk for free? Why marry you if you're already doing wifely duties? You live with me, cook and clean too. Everything a wife already does without the ring and possible headache a man gains when he makes you his wife.

To flip it back to Chrissy, she's been with him for 7 years and has invested time and money not only in him but on his deals and things he endorses in. On this last episode she basically designed his entire clothing clothing line. So if they were to break up she would get nothing, not even a percentage of the profits from this line or any of the other things she helped him build. But at the same time giving a man an ultimatum never really solves anything either. It is a compromise where no one is truly happy with the end result. Telling him, "Marry me or ELSE!" will give you three outcomes with ALL of them leaving you stressed and/or heartbroken in the end. 1. He decides to marry you or what happens most of the times, he proposes (to shut you up) but never sets a date and then before you know it you're engaged for another 7 years. 2. Or if he's a sucker who buckles under pressure, he will propose, set the date and marry you but in the back of his mind he will always think that this is the biggest mistake that he's ever made in his life. He's never really faithful and continues to do him regardless of the title, ring and marriage certificate. 3. He goes with the "or ELSE!" and leaves you. You then cry for weeks and threaten to burn his house down.

There is this poet, (who you should all check out) Dana Gilmore, who has a poem called "Wife, Woman, Friend." ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_aSPYcjspgk ) She talks about how women never want to stay in their place and play the role that they auditioned for. The friend always wants to be the girlfriend. The girlfriend is always gunning for the role of the wife. And the wife... well she wants to act like his mother. Sometimes you just have to play your role correctly and maybe he'll realize that the cow is worth much more than he thinks it is.

Now, I don't want to tell you to be complacent with a man who doesn't see you for your true potential but don't put yourself in these situations where you're doing more than what you've signed up for. Play your role and try not to step out of it. A wife should be his friend but don't try to be his live-in girlfriend if you are just his friend. And don't try to star as the wife if you're just his girlfriend. You'll end up giving up too much milk, for free at that, and he'll NEVER need to give you a valid enough reason to ever purchase the cow when he's getting it all for $free.99.



Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.
James A. Baldwin

Alphabet Soup pt 2

Although on the outside i appear to be in control i'm just a
Battered & beat up, lost
Child trying so hard & so
Desperately to get home before the street lights turn on. but
Every tree & every corner looks like the one i just passed. i'm
Frantic & scared wondering why i haven't
Gotten to my destination yet.
Hungry & alone in this cold, cold world.
It seems as though there's no one to turn to. to talk to for fear of being
Judged unfairly. to be labeled with words that aren't
Kind at all. but pray for the
Little girl who
Must wonder around the world without
No one to depend on and no
One to love her. no one to hold her and
Protect her from the storm. she's longing for someone to help
Quench this longing feeling of
Remorse for something
She's not even sure that she did. but she feels
The guilt and feels trapped in an never-ending cycle of being miss-
Understood by people who will never
Volunteer their time to love and
Win her heart. cause right now some drug starting with an
X sounds more than perfect right now. see cause that way she won't have to
Yearn for anyone to tell her how much they "love" her. to lie and make her
Zig zag throughout this impossible maze called life.


I like not only to be loved, but also to be told I am loved.
George Eliot

Up.

So it's approximately 7:02 as I am typing this. I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to write about but I do know that I want to write something and just get it out. I won't use this post as my personal diary but I need to write, something anything. I still haven't thought of a topic yet even though I've been writing for about 2 minutes now. I remember in HS a teacher gave us an assignment and told us to just write for about 10 minutes about whatever you want to write even if you don't have a topic. Just write about whatever you are thinking about inside. She called it stream of consciousness writing or something like that, so I'm going to try it out again. She said don't erase and don't try to correct your mistakes either just keep going. I want to write about a lot of things but I'm sure how appropriate they might be or if I even want to share them with the world. But this helps somewhat. Right now my mother is up in the kitchen banging cupboards together driving me crazy and talking to herself. Ehhh I don't know. I've been in and out of sleep for the past 9hrs. Idk what's wrong with me I can't seem to sleep straight through the night to save my life no matter how hard I try. I guess I'm going through a lot of stress right now and I don't even realize it. I tend to push things to the back of my mind until it becomes full to capacity and I explode. hmmph. Maybe I'll try going to sleep again. But my back hurts so bad that it probably takes the most time trying to find a comfortable enough spot to fall asleep in. But I'll try anyway. Right after I write this last sentence. I've been writing for 10minutes now. I'm done



I'm concentrating on staying healthy, having peace, being happy, remembering what is important, taking in nature and animals, spending time reading, trying to understand the universe, where science and the spiritual meet.
Joan Jett

Flower Petals

he luvs me
he loves me not
he luvs me
he loves me not
but he luvs me…

I like not only to be loved, but also to be told I am loved.
George Eliot

Pretty Girl

she was a pretty girl
smart, intelligent
they all loved her.
her only problem was that she was too nice
didn't know how to say NO
how to put her foot down,
allowed herself to be manipulated and used
used by others who she thought loved her the same
invested time and energy
time spent wiping up tears and trying to fix mistakes
Pretty Girl open up your eyes
if he don't love you by now he never will
what you crying for?
pack up your bags and go
love yourself
so she dropped Mr. Wrong and ran off into the sunset with the next guy
Pretty Girl found herself a catch
he was sweet, funny and made her smile
she let herself get caught up
tangled in his web of "I LOVE YOUs"
and when he kissed her gently and said those words
i mean THOSE words
she forgot who she was and lost her mind
she remembered that she was a pretty girl again
she let him slip and slide
slip and slide
slip inside
ohhh
she's just a pretty girl
but what are you really doing girl?
oh what, you said you're having a girl?
wasn't what you were expecting
cause now Pretty Girl is expecting
in a few months
tears run down her face
as she tries to understand where she went wrong
again
can't believe this is really happening
she sighs
he sighs
no one is ready for this
she's not stable
he doesn't love her
and so she cries
cause she's just a pretty girl
misunderstood
and misused



Beauty is a fragile gift.
Ovid

Lotus Flower Bomb

As usual, I'm about a few weeks late when it comes to music but I just heard Wale's Lotus Flower Bomb. And I absolutely LOVE it! Nothing much else to say about it but it makes me happy.






But when you get music and words together, that can be a very powerful thing.
Bryan Ferry

A Closed Mouth

See the problem with most girls is that they don't speak up or say what they have to say, myself included. They either 1. Keep it in 2. Complain to the WRONG person or 3. (like what I do) Keep it in for so long that when it finally comes out it's a big pented ball spewing hot flames of anger and hate.

And here lies the problem, your thoughts or issues cannot be fixed until you voice them to the proper party. Stop keeping it in and allowing yourself to get angrier by the second. Many men will tell you like it is from the jump and just get it over with but I can't seem to understand why women like to drag the entire process out and drain everyone involved. Someone is bound to get hurt and it will most likely be you!

If something is bothering you don't let it bubble up until it gets out of control and becomes unmanageable. Nip it in the bud from the beginning. Men are not psychic! They cannot sense what you feeling on the inside. They probably won't dig any deeper than a few inches from the surface to decode what you are thinking/feeling to understand what you want from them. Chances are, no matter how many hints you give them, they probably still won't get it either. They are always straightforward with you with the things they want so why are you beating around the bush? Say what you have to say and let them know what's up.

The most important thing that ladies do not speak up about is how much they are feeling a guy for fear of I don't know what, he might not like you the same way or the "I don't want him to think that I'm being too pushy or forcing him into a relationship" bit. Let me tell you from now, let him know how you feel and establish it from the beginning. Women get into these relationships with one idea while men have a totally different spin on it. You either don't establish what the relationship is gonna be from the beginning or it's established and you start feeling otherwise. Someone, you, is and WILL get hurt before the day is over!

The key to eliminating the headache from the beginning is incorporating honesty into the equation and not going back on your word. Be honest and truthful and SPEAK UP because a closed mouth will never be fed!

I think today women are very scared to celebrate themselves, because then they just get labeled.
Charlize Theron

Mr. Partially Correct

He's my Mr. Partially Correct
He's not completely wrong but ain't completely right either.
Although he makes me feel good he seems to come up short on other occasions.
Loves me right but loves me wrong all at the same time.
Can't let him go cause he won't let me.
I don't leave cause I think there's still a small percentage of him that I can still correct.
Still a small part that I can make better.
It ain't right but he ain't all that wrong either.
I could probably stick around a little longer, give him some extra credit.
Some extra time out of class just us, no distractions.
But what happens when Mr. Partially Correct becomes the distraction.
Can't get nothing done, can't even move on to the next question.
Too scared to try something new, trying to put my all into one problem.
I just KNOW that I can get this right, somehow.
Stressing myself for what, when there's other questions I could invest in.
Gotta give Mr. Partially Correct up cause he ain't never gonna be all right.
I'll never get a 100%...

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
H. L. Mencken

Lust Struck

I'm smitten with you, like head over heels.
My tummy is in knots from the tiny flittering butterflies.
I can't stop smiling cause you make me feel so happy.
You got me feeling "in love" something weird and brand new.
I don't know how real this is but I love the way it feels.
I like the way my heart skips a beat when you come around.
And I like that I can't stop smiling when you text me.
It's something new, something different but feels oh so familiar.
Happy I can feel this way again...

A kiss makes the heart young again and wipes out the years.
Rupert Brooke

My Time Has Come

Yesterday we lost a person whose impact on everyone she came in contact with made such a huge difference. She was a strong, loving and caring individual who always had a smile on no matter what. Who was always there to lend a helping hand. Sis. Dawn Bowes.
Unfortunately, her fight with cancer was too strong for her. We weep and mourn her death but are happy because she no longer has to suffer. She was going through a tremendous amount of pain and no longer has to deal with it. Truly a woman of happiness even during her ordeal she left us with a smile on her face, sleeping peacefully.
My condolences go out to her family and loved ones.

Sleep In Peace.







Death is no more than passing from one room into another. But there's a difference for me, you know. Because in that other room I shall be able to see.
Helen Keller

We Found "Love"?

I just got through watching the video for Rihanna's new song, "We Found Love" and it got me thinking about myself. In the beginning of the video there is a short monologue with a woman.

It's like screaming and no one can hear//You always feel ashamed that someone can be that important//that without them you feel like nothing//No one will ever understand how much it hurts//You feel hopeless like nothing can save you//and when it's over and it's gone//you almost wish you could have all that bad stuff back so that you could have the good.

Sometimes we "fall in love" and stay around in relationships for ALL of the wrong reasons. Sometimes we think it's love but most of the times it's by force of habit. You just got way too accustomed to this person in your life that no matter how hard you tried to let them go it was just too hard to. You've been with them for so long that everything just starts to become a blur. You go through the same motions every year around the same times, break up and then get back together a few months later. Say the same hurtful things, apologize and then hope it'll be different this time around..
But is this really love or a bad habit?







Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.
Peter Ustinov

One Trillion What?

I ran across an article this morning that grabbed my eye. Student loan debts,for 2011, will reach $1 Trillion! My eyes almost popped out of my head. As a recent college graduate with approximately $16,000 worth of students loans to pay back this was mind boggling but NOT a major shock. Schools are starting to become more expensive and less "free" funding is available.
For example, at Stony Brook University, where I attended, every year since my sophomore year (Fall 2008), the tuition has gone up every semester by $600. Okay that's fine, but my Financial Aid isn't increasing along with the tuition hikes. There goes another $1000 to $2000 loan that I have to take out to cover the new increased balance. Tap and Pell Grants are also reducing the money that they give to each student.

Side Note: Was anyone else confused when they saw a balance on their bills even though after completing their FAFSA it said "Family Contribution : 0"?

As tuition rises and Financial Aid doesn't even put a dent into our bill, there are only a few choices that we are left with. Take out more loans or drop out. We are in the age where even a Bachelors degree no longer holds any weight. So what are we going to do? This kind of makes you want to reconsider even finishing if you are just going to jobless and in over 40 grand worth of student loans after you graduate.




The lack of money is the root of all evil.
Mark Twain

Feelings

I've heard this over and over but I'm not sure that I've actually listened to it. "Never leave the one you love for the one you like because the one you like will leave you for the one they love." But what happens when the person you love isn't really all that good for you either?
Too many times we get caught up in our feelings over someone we like and start to forget the person that we actually do love all because the person that you really like has been giving you tons of attention and time and compliments and makes you smile everyday. Now this becomes a dilemma, what do you do? You start to become short and snappy with the one you love because everything they do doesn't compare to the new person. They don't make you laugh as much and they certainly aren't the last person you speak to/think about before going to sleep at night.
What are you, this poor and conflicted soul, to do now? Stick with the old or move on to the new? Hash it out with your love since high school or join the ranks of someone you met some months ago?
That question, I honestly cannot answer. Because there is no right answer. Think with your heart and mind and be reasonable.



All love shifts and changes. I don't know if you can be wholeheartedly in love all of the time.
Julie Andrews

Titles, Schmitles

Over the past few days I've come to the realization that titles are starting to become useless. I mean who actually acknowledges them anymore. We give people these names and crown them with labels that aren't even worth it. I am certainly guilty of doing so.

For a while I've been claiming someone who, I don't think has put me on top of the same pedestal that I have been putting them on. But being blind, silly and naïve, and thinking that they could be changed I still dragged around the hope that it would be different one day and everything would change.

These titles aren't solely based upon sexual or intimate relationships but on regular friendships as well. I've seen many friendships go sour over one who wasn't giving enough to complete the circle. One who wasn't fulfilling their entire duty.

But at the end of the day, be careful who you are giving these titles to. Scope them out and make sure that they are deserving of the name that you are about to bestow upon them.

Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence.
George Washington

PINK

Because October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I would like to dedicate my first REAL post to the women and their families out there who have lost a loved one to cancer or have overcome the battle and are alive to tell us their stories of triumph. Below I've posted the link to the National Breast Cancer Foundation, Inc.'s website where you can learn more about Breast Cancer, who it affects, how you can help to detect it (earlier), and support for those with breast cancer.
Breast Cancer does NOT only affect women, it affects men as well. (Although it is a very low percentage of men.) And it does NOT only affect women over the age of 40, younger women can get breast cancer as well.
The key to successfully fighting breast cancer is detecting it in it's earliest stages. Don't just wait until your next doctor's appointment to have your breasts checked, you can do it at home. And don't completely skip out on going to the doctor and getting a mammogram.
Sometimes we feel like we can't make a difference because we are just one but we can. Donating even just a few dollars, or walking this upcoming Sunday, October 16, 2011 at 10am in Prospect Park, Brooklyn, NY (for those residing in Brooklyn), makes a complete difference in someone's life. Just being supportive, caring and understanding goes a long way.

http://www.nationalbreastcancer.org/About-NBCF/Our-Mission/American-Italian-Cancer-Foundation.aspx




We can't plan life. All we can do is be available for it.
Lauryn Hill

The Things I've Collected

I've been told plenty of times that I am random, erratic and sometimes unpredictable.
I am eclectic and all over the place.
My thoughts swirl crazily all over my mind's hemisphere.
They are aching to burst out and escape.
Frantically searching for somewhere new to perch.
They swirl around and bump into each other looking for something new and exciting. Maybe on the hilltops of southern France or the Great Barrier Reef in Australia. Something new, something different.
But everything the same and still exciting.
Some where that will eagerly accept the things they've gathered.
A place that will openly house the things I've collected...



Your life is what your thoughts make it.
Marcus Aurelius