Regretful Moments

& i regret every moment spent with you
& every lie from your lips that i believed
i wish i was smarter back then
i wish i knew then what i know now
that way i wouldn't regret you so much

Linger

& i still smell your scent
even though i haven't seen you in months
it envelopes me & won't leave
covers my body & won't let go
the thought of you wants to stay here
wants to hold on
so you linger around even long after you've gone…

Finding Natasha

i'm not quite sure where i lost ME
but i do know that i ran out & left ME a long, long time ago.
i got caught up with the wrong people, wrong person & forgot all about ME
i'd call & call every day but ME wouldn't pick up the phone
so many ignored texts, missed calls…
but ME just couldn't see them, wouldn't see them
too busy being blinded by "love"
but that "love" was not patient nor was it kind
it hurt, but i stayed because i was too used to it
it had become a vicious cycle that i didn't want to end
but ME just wouldn't let go
ME just didn't want to move on, too afraid of starting over
so, ME waited & gave "love" some time to gather it's thoughts
only to have "love" give up on ME & give itself away to someone else
ME was left out in the cold
all that time & effort spent loving someone who could care less
but ME would find her silver lining someday, i just knew it
i vowed to never let another hurt ME the way that he did
& so i went searching for ME once again
for i had slowly started to remember where i'd lost myself
way back when, those many years ago…

"Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye".
-H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Why Do I Love You Again?

Do you ever sit and wonder why you (still) love your significant other? Like, why do you even still care even after everything they've done? What's making you stay? The fact that you still love them or just the fact that you invested so much time?

What Hurts The Most

you know what hurts the MOST?
the fact that i wasted so much time..
the fact that i gave you my all
the fact that i gave you almost 8 years of my life
& for you to WHAT!
treat me like i was just some random girl

you know WHAT hurts the most?
the fact that i taught you how to love
i taught you how to open up & care for someone other than yourself
& what do you DO?
go & get a new chick & show her everything i taught you

you KNOW what hurts the most?
the fact that i never gave up on you
even when everybody said, "leave him alone!"
i stood up for you
cause despite it all you were a good guy deep down..

you know what HURTS the most?
that you just don't even care
you don't give a shit how hurt i am
that it's easy for you to let go & move on
it's that quick for you walk away


YOU know what hurts the most?
the fact that i thought we'd be together forever
i had our future children's names all picked out
the fact that i was down for you
but..
it was all in vain

YOU KNOW WHAT HURTS THE MOST?



"A part of kindness consists in loving people more than they deserve."
Joseph Joubert

Stalemate

who's gonna make the first move
i'm looking at you & you're looking at me
but no one's budging
too scared & too angry to go first
so we hope & pray that someone will go
but no one ever does
so we stay stuck, glued in one spot
we stay stagnant, going neither backwards nor forwards
there aren't anymore moves to make
stalemate…

Don't brood. Get on with living and loving. You don't have forever.
-Joe Buscaglia

Indian Giver

you said you'd give me your everything
then you took it all back
i mean, snatched it right out from under me
you didn't even think to ask if i was ok when i fell
you didn't even think to ask if i was still using it
gone just like that.

i gave you my heart to hold
but you just ran over it with your bike
you got it all dirty & wrinkled & didn't even care
you didn't even care that i cried for days as though my favorite you were destroyed.

but i'm taking it all back
more like snatching it back
taking back my heart, my love, my…
everything
cause you never deserved it to begin with
i always gave more than I should've anyway
but instead of graciously declining you accepted it with open arms
stretched wide to engulf & take over all that i owned
i'll admit that i loved loving you
but it hurt so bad to see that you were so nonchalant about it
it hurt to see that you didn't care.

so i'm packing it & taking ME to go
even though it was once yours, even though i was once yours.

"Moving on doesn't always mean you're giving up, it can mean that you're making a choice to be happy rather than be hurt."

When Things Fall Apart

when things fall apart
& you can't remember how it even got that far
when relationships start to unravel
slowly becoming loose threads of what was
& what isn't anymore
when things fall apart
& you can't remember why
cause money ain't enough
where did it all go
when nothing goes right
& everyone points their fingers at you
when things fall apart
& you don't know how
just like a fugitive running from the law
with a huge bounty on your head
you're stuck, trapped in pause mode
slowly slipping, just like sinking sand
when things fall apart
& there's nothing left to live for
cause you feel like no one cares to understand
held hostage by pain & discomfort
with the key just at arm's reach but yet so far away
when things fall apart…

Turning & turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the center cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world. -W. B. Yeats

What's Ya Carfax Girlll?

I don't understand guys who are always quick to look up a girl's carfax¹ before getting in a relationship with her. Even if she DID let everyone in the Tri-State Are and Miami touch it why are you so eager to pull up her file? I'm pretty sure that yours is atrocious compared to hers..

This is why (most) girls are so reluctant to let their numbers get too high. They will most likely give you an incorrect "estimate" that's way below their actual number. (I won't even get into the REAL reasons why she decreases her numbers because that is a post for another time) And for the most part the guy who is so anxiously trying to dig up her carfax is completely irrelevant. Chances are he is the guy that she denied access to her cookies and now he is angry and bitter or he's the ALWAYS single and annoying friend aka 3rd Wheel who is upset that he's losing his friend to a girl! ( o_O whaaaat?) So here goes Mr. Bitter tryna to mess up a potentially good thing just because he can.

This is not only annoying but it is stupid! Men are always accusing women for being confused, incapable of making up her mind and knowing what she wants. But the moment she figure out what she wants and it just so happens to involve having sex with the man or in this case men that she chooses she is labled a slut. We live in a world full of double standards where the men are supposed to be strong and women, weak. Where men should be active and women should be passive. We live in a world where a man is praised for getting all the girls, "Ladies Man", but a woman is called a "Maneater" if they become involved with too many men. These rules are not fair at all.

Why is it okay for a man to know what he wants and to go out and get it but it's NOT okay for a woman to? More than 99% of the times a man's carfax is 10x worse than his counterpart's number but it is okay? You want a girl who will buss it wide open and do all kinds of tricks without you having to tell her what to do BUT she can't have too many partners or that'll be just wrong! Make up your minds!

I say sometimes you just have to leave it alone. I like you and you like me. Let's just start new with just us in the picture and forget the numbers. Personally, I wouldn't ask about any numbers because I'd be afraid of the answer.



¹ "Carfax" is a term/website used to research the history report of a used car before purchasing it. Today, most people use this term to research the sexual history report of a potential partner.